


Petra

by KuraraOkumura



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: F/M, How Levi copes, Petra's death
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-06-04
Updated: 2014-06-04
Packaged: 2018-02-03 10:42:03
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1741802
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KuraraOkumura/pseuds/KuraraOkumura
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Levi mourns Petra's death. Set directly after Episode 22, in which Petra, along with Gunther, Erd and many others of the Recon Corps, loose their lives to the Female Titan. This is my tribute to Petra. Her death, and her father's words, hit me harder than I could express solely with tears. SPOILERS to the first season of the anime.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Petra

**Author's Note:**

> If you like my work, please like my fan page KuraraOkumura's Disciples on facebook! :D

Levi was headed for his quarters. The capital's fort was dark, and not minutes from now he knew that the plan to capture Annie Leonhardt, the Female Titan, would have to be set into motion.

The Corporal's fists were tight against his sides. Even inside the walls of the capital's main residence, he had for some reason kept his hood up, and it covered his face and shadowed his eyes. Under the edge of the hood, his mouth was thin and drawn; his chin was held high as per usual – but at that moment, it was perhaps _too_ high for it to be 'usual'. He made no noise as he walked; even the soft thump-thump of his boots on the paved corridor's floor was absent. The soft limp caused by his damaged ankle did nothing to hinder his noiseless advance. 

A minute later, and he had reached his door. The heavy wooden panel swung open when his closed fist pushed against his. The door creaked lightly as it shifted on its hinges, breaking the ominous silence that had descended onto the colossal residence. The Corporal stepped inside, closed the door behind him, and the hush became once more.

For long moments, there were no sounds. Then from inside the door came a crash, followed by the hollow thud of wood against wood. As the shattering sound of glass and breaking porcelain exploded, it was easy to guess on the despair that had overwhelmed the man sheltered behind the door of his personal quarters. He himself made no sound; there was only the artificial and very real noise of furniture being smashed and destroyed against the walls and floor of the room. It was as though the Corporal, clad in his Recon Corps uniform, were refusing himself the right to let go of his body other than through violence. Perhaps was he more accustomed to this mode of action.

Abruptly, the sounds were cut off. The quiet fell once more. Complete and strangely foreboding. Like a snake about to pounce.

Let us move to see beyond the oaken door separating us from the Recon Corps' second-in-command. Had we been visible within his world, such a thing we would have paid with our lives. But as we are not, please, follow me. I will show you the Corporal's despair. The cost that he has paid was not as light as he let us believe.

Inside, Levi had sunk against a stone wall. His legs were drawn up against his chest; his elbows propped onto his knees. And still, there was no seeing his face; it was buried into his arms.

All around him, the room's furniture had been entirely destroyed. The central table had been thrown against the opposite wall, and topped with its assorted chairs, now broken beyond repair. The floor of part of the room was covered in metal cutlery and shards of glass and pottery and ceramic from smashed plates and glasses and cups, like a carpet of murderous snow. Above the floor there, cupboard-doors had been ripped off their hinges, along with the entire wooden boxes behind the doors. Those were now strewn at the other end of the room, ruined and fragmented. The only hint of life there was Levi's chest, heaving up and down ever so slightly. The movement would have been invisible to anyone with an untrained eye. But of course, that dos not apply to us.

Then finally, finally, as though returning from the depths of his own soul, the man against the wall spoke. A single word, but it explained his all-consuming anger better than any other word that could have been uttered that day.

"Petra…"

And the pain was unbearable.

The door opened. 

"Sir? Huh, Corporal? Commander Erwin sent me to- Sir? Is everything okay?"

A brunette head had popped through the door, and was now looking straight at Levi. A shuddering breath escaped the hunched figure, and the person at the door drew back in shocked surprise. 

"Huh, I'll get the Comman-"

"Sasha, right? Sasha Blouse? You're one of the new recruits."

There was a silence, and then-

"Ah- yes Sir!"

Another shuddering breath. "What's it like to loose someone you love?" 

The brunette inhaled sharply. When she spoke, her voice was unsteady. "Corporal, I- I'll just get the Command-"

Levi shot up to a standing position. "I asked you a question, Cadet!"

His body was quivering. In rage or something else, the trainee couldn't tell, but either way, it scared her. The Captain _never_ showed his emotions. Never. The younger girl took a step back, and her salute faltered.

"Corporal, I- I don't- I'm sor-"

"Were you about to say you were sorry, Cadet Blouse? Do you even know what you're excusing yourself for?" Levi straightened, and was himself once more, his hands clasped behind his back and his back ramrod straight. 

The trainee didn't answer, only stood against the open door with her mouth slightly agape.

The Corporal sighed and turned, walking toward the toppled table. Only then did Sasha notice the state of the room, and she took it all in with another sharp breath and a stupefied step back.

"Corporal, I-"

"Go, Cadet Blouse. Go get your Commander Erwin."

The trainee ran out without another word. She could handle the Titans' violence, but when it was her team – No, she just couldn't do it. She needed help. She'd never been good at dealing with her own emotions, her own fear and grief – so another's? No. And certainly a superior officer's.

Back inside the room, the Corporal straightened the table. He pulled it back to the center of the room. Sighed. Poised his hands on top of it and leaned forward. Exhausted.

He didn't move when, minutes later, the still open door was knocked on. 

"Levi," the Commander Erwin's voice said.

Nothing.

"Levi," the Commander repeated, and this time he took a step forward.

"Her father said she admired me, Erwin."

Silence.

"He said she wrote him a letter in which she told him that I respected her enough to let her join my squad – that she admired me and would devote her life to me." Levi's voice was as sharp as a razor as he spoke. "But the truth is that I only respected her enough to let her die. I knew it was a suicide mission. I knew that most of those who came with us would die. I handpicked them myself, Erwin, and I sent her to her death."

Steps, coming closer, and then the Commander spoke. "Petra knew what she was doing, Levi. She knew the risks. Her and the others – both elite and trainees – they knew the risks."

The Corporal whirled around and grabbed his superior by the collar, shoving him backwards until his back hit the wall beside the open door. "And now she's dead, Erwin! She's dead! I wasn't there! Her and Gunther and – they're _dead!_ All for that brat of a trainee-"

"Let me go, Corporal Levi. Now."

The Commander's voice hadn't risen, but something in that calm was dangerous. Levi obeyed the order and stepped back. His head dropped.

"Excuse my insubordination, Commander Erwin."

Stoically, Erwin straightened his collar. He didn't even so much as look at his officer as he turned to the door.

"I came here because Sasha Blouse alerted me that there was something wrong with you. She would not, or perhaps _could_ not, explain what it was that was wrong." Erwin paused, and his gaze was lost in the darkened corridor outside the door. "Levi, you have never let your emotions get the better of you. As an elite soldier of the Recon Corps, it is your duty to keep control of your sentiments, whatever they be. It is your duty to deal with deaths and losses accordingly to what your higher-ranking superiors would expect of you." Another pause. "Do I make myself clear? I am not here to console you, Corporal. I am your direct superior, and I expect you to act in consequence, and not as an untrained Cadet would. I will not tell you that it was not your fault that Petra died. It was. Just as it was my fault. Though neither of us welcomes those deaths, we must both accept our guilt and deal with it correspondingly.

"I will not condone your childish behaviour again. I will look past your momentary breakdown for now, but in the future, I want you to do everything to avoid a relapse. I know that you dislike unnecessary deaths, but remind yourself that Petra's death, as the others', was neither avoidable nor pointless."

Commander Erwin stepped out, then at the last second, just as he was about to walk away, his head turned back slightly, so that only his profile was visible to the no-longer straight-faced Levi.

"And Levi… I had sent the Cadet Blouse to you for a reason. She was to inform you that Eren, aided by the trainees Armin Arlert, Mikasa Ackerman, and Jean Kirstein, were beginning the mission to trap the Female Titan, Annie Leonhardt of the Military Police. Your presence is required, along with mine, in the city." Pause. "And Levi. Control yourself. True failure has yet to occur."

And he left.

For the first time in years, tears streaked Levi skin.

**Author's Note:**

> If you like my work, please like my fan page KuraraOkumura's Disciples on facebook! :D


End file.
